Russian Roulette
by The Tomato Song
Summary: This is for a friend named Kermit :3 I don't know anything about Russian Roulette whatsoever.
1. Fun games, da

_Russian Roulette_

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><p>HIIIII A little early for an authors note eh? Well this is a request from a friend so if its shitty please tell me kermit ;A; ANYWHOOO ONTO THE STORY<p>

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><p>"Ok, are you guys ready, da?" Russia asked. Earlier that day he invited some of his "friends" for a little game of Russian Roulette. France, Germany, and America.<p>

"Ready."

"Ready."

"Ready."

"Ok. I'll spin the gun. That is alright with everyone, da?" Everyone nodded. They decided if he went first he'd die, and they could haul their asses out this place. Russia placed the single bullet into the gun, and spun it. It landed onto France. Knowing France, he refused to touch the gun, so Russia literally had to pin him down and put the gun to France's head himself.

_And pulled the trigger_

"Nyet, you are fine. Stop saying that you have died and gone to hell, da? Sitting here with me and my...comrades cannot be so horrible, da?" France was pratically shivering. "I quit! I quit! I never want to do this again!" he screamed like a little girl. Russia looked at him with menacing eyes and said, "You cannot quit until someone dies, Mr. France." France slumped down into his seat, and Germany then spun the gun. "Ah, vell, it's been vonderful knowing vyou guys." Unexpectedly, it landed on Russia. He smiled and picked up the gun. He placed it in his mouth was just about to pull the trigger when China, the country he'd been sharing his house with ever since his was bombed by America, barged into the house. "R-russia, what are you doing-aru? You're going to kill yourself!" China marched up to Russia, took the gun, and shot it into the ceiling. "There-aru. The bullet is gone and you can all go home."

Everyone just stared.

"You heard me-aru! Go home! Now!"

Germany was the first to leave, France pushed past him and ran away like the girl he is, and America left after called the two Asian countries, "Commie bastards,". Russia looked innocently at China and asked why he stopped him. He never knew China really cared if he died or not. China sat down next to him, "Because-aru, if you died I'd have nowhere to live." China said sarcastically. Russia stared off into space, ignoring him, wondering what would happen if China didn't come in time. Would he go to Heaven? If so, what was it like? Was it really like America described it? Was it really filled with hamburgers? China's talking interupped his daydreams by saying, "Besides, if killed yourself..." China mumbled something else. Russia looked at him expectantly, "If I killed myself...?" Russia's voice trailed off as if he expected China to finish it. "I'd miss you," he mumbled.

"Hm? What was that?"

"I'd miss you..."

"Louder..."

"I'D MISS YOU OK-ARU?" China yelled before he was glomped by the Russian. "Awwwww, thats sweet, da. I knew you always cared about me~"


	2. Maybe Spain, just maybe

"_Hola mi tomato*_!" Spain yelled as he burst through the door of he and S. Italy's 3 room apartment. "Don't fucking call me that you perverted cunt!" Romano screamed oh so angerly. Romano was secretly happy he was back, but he didn't want to admit it, because ya know those southern Italians. Spain frowned, a frown so sad it'd make you wanna jump off a bridge. "Aww, why'd you call me that _mi amor*_?" Romano almost smacked the absolute passion out of that annoying Spaniard with the AMAZING backside. I mean like SERIOUSLY! HAVE YOU SEEN DAT ASS?-Datassiconhereplz- "Don't call me that you _cazzo di merda*_!" Spain tilted his head, "I'm sorry I don't speak French." then he smiled as if he thought Romano said...other things...Romano didn't have anything else to say to him. He simply got up and left. Spain was quite used to this and always knew he'd come back. Everytime Spain was right, had a point, or simply did nothing wrong he would up and leave. This was a daily routine for the Spaniard and didn't think much of it.

Poor Spain, if only he knew he wasn't coming back home this time...

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><p>Hola mi tomato! - Hello my tomato!<p>

Mi amor - My love

Cazzo di merda - Dickfaced piece of shit(MAY NOT BE ACCURATE MKAYTHANKS)

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><p>Im so damn lazy. CHAPTER 3 WON- I MEAN WILL BE LONGER.<p> 


	3. But why, England!

"ALRIGHT! Wankers, gits, _frogs,_" England looked especially at France when he said that, "It's about time we started the European Union meeting." England turned around and pointed at the political map of Europe. "Today, we're going to discuss the current, struggling, American state of our continent and its countries. It would nice if SOMEONE had a suggestion on how to improve," France raised his hand slowly. England took one glance at him, then everyone else. _No one raised their hands...I guess I have too..._ "Fine _frog_. Go ahead." France cleared his throat, smiled, and inhaled and then...

"LOVE! All we need is love! Love will bring peace to our beautiful continent!"

"WHAT."

"Love will solve all our problems! Why cannot we not just love eachother, for the sake Europe?"

"...WHAT." England TRIPLE facepalmed(if thats possible)and sighed. "Any real suggestions? Ones that don't involve sexual intentions with each other?...None? Really? Well how wonderful," said England, as he glanced at Ukraine('s boobs) in hatred(?). "ANOTHER MEETING WITH NO CONCLUSION! OUT, ALL OF YOU!" He yelled. Everyone hurried out, leaving England to himself to think. _At this rate, we'll never solve our problems! It's D-Day all over again..._"It's'ok. Everything will be fine, my little Brit." England turned his head to find France leaning over him, smiling. He spoke as if he could read his mind. England almost doubled over in disgust."Get your dirty French hands off me you disgusting little animal." France frowned. All he wanted to do was comfort him. Maybe even a little rape later on, but for right now just comfort him, gain some trust he can plan the perfect suprise buttsmex. "What's wrong, my little Brit? You're much more crankier than usual." England turned to him and sighed, "It's America again. He's always doing something to annoy me. Sometimes I want throw unicorn shit in his face." To be honest France never gave a rats ass about Englands problems unless it involved America. I don't know, it's a little fetish France seems to jack of- I mean have. "Just ignore him, England! It _is_ America after all. He always was a...special one, non?"

"Oh Fran- wait a minute...YOU'RE PLOTTING SOMETHING ARENT YOU, FROG?"

"Who? _Moi?_ Why, of course not."

"I will murder you with a rake if you don't leave me alone. I need time to think."

France shrugged and walked away, leaving behind his rose. England picked it up and tore it apart(lol), stepped on it, and then proceeded to set it on fire. OH ENGLAND, HOW SUTTLE YOU ARE. YOU'RE LIKE TOTALLY A MASTER AT RELATIONSHIPS LOL. And France being the stalker he is saw EVERYTHING. "England will be mine eventually...honhonhonhonhonhonhonhon..."

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><p>SO FOR BEING SO LAZY HOW ABOUT SOME FANSERVICEACOUPLESENTENCESOFSEXAY

England looked at his waiter outfit which hid his(coughverysmallcough)***** but not his ***. Hesitantly, he stripped down until he was nude and slipped into his outfit. Before anyone gets ideas he's sober. I SWEAR. And thus there was America and France, grinning evilly. "So, if I do this, you won't tell Japan I...you know?" All America did was give a nervous thumbs up, and France wasn't even paying attention...WELL I'LL LET YOUR IMAGINATIONS DO THE REST.


	4. Into East Germany! Part 1

"Romano! Roma~! Where are you Roma~?" Spain had been out all day looking for Romano. Poor thing. "Roma~! Roooooommmaaaaaa~!" Spain tried calling and calling and calling but Roma~ didn't answer. Poor Spain. He could use some churros right about now. Ya'know, I could go for some churr- Wait... I'm sorry back to the story. Anyway, Spain has asked everyone he knew had been with Romano some point in their life. He even asked France, but France didn't know suprisingly. Well, desperate times call for deperate measures. HE CALLED...

RUSSIA.

"So...you put a chip...in his arm...while he was asleep?"

"Da. Is there a problem?" Russia tilted his head toward the confused and creeped out Spaniard. "No..no of course not . It's not creepy that you had a chip put in my Romas arm so you could stalk him." Russia turned back around to his monitor, completely ignoring Spain. "He's in..." Russia leaned towards the monitor as if not believing what he was reading. "Well, Antonio, he's in Eastern Germany, or, Prussias house." Well, DAYUM. Spain shook his head, "Impossible, Romano hates Prussia."

"I guess not anymore, comrade. Anyway, get out of my house before I take out an eye socket and make you eat it." Creepy Russia...very creepy. Anyway, of course Spain ran away with fear since Russia would do that because he owned a video of doing that with France for trying to forcefully undress Ukraine(GO RUSSIA). He recovered of course but had to wear an eyepatch for several, several, SEVERAL years. Well, perverted ass deserved it. Now this is making me wonder where he got his eye...Off-topic AGAIN, geez I gotta stop doing this. Well, Spain ended up going BACK to Russia's house because he would have to go to through France, Belgium, and the Netherlands and God KNOWS he would never go through the Netherlands on foot so Holland could kick his ass. So, with Russia's support in exchange for..uhm..."comradeship" Spain got a Russian jet plane that looked totally badass. It has MLP: FiM ALL over it. Who knew Russia was a brony? Thats awesome. Like, PRUSSIA awesome. Anyway, Spain flew over France, Belgium, and the Netherlands(Sticking out the finger) and made his way into Germany. As he was flying over Germany, he started admiring the beautiful Berlin wall which caused him to of course take his eyes off the sky. He instantly crashed into the Bavaria statue, and then everything went black.


	5. Damn Americans!

"Hm...interesting. I guess I should try this one. Hopefully it'll work." These were the words of England, an island nation in Europe. He's had quite a problem lately, with riots and whatnot. He decided to try a spell to hypnotize the riots and rebels. It wasn't going to hurt them of course, just calm them down and keep them behaved long enough to rebuild his country. _Tip tap tip tap tip tap_. "Who's there? Japan is that you? America?" No response. "Whoever you are, show yourself. Don't be a coward!" Suddenly, a dirty or honey or whatever blonde showed up hugging England, "Hi Iggy! Say, are the riots done yet? You know, your country is kinda fucked up." He had to admit, his country is sorta screwed over right now. Riots, so many riots. He almost got killed in one. "No, America. By the way, how's YOUR encomoy?"..."Bad..." The poor little American sighed. "I thought so. I heard at the last meeting China totally shoved that in your fat face. I heard he did a victory dance with Russia and everything. But then France told me he got drunk and slept with Japan. Russia was really mad." WHAT? RoChu fangirls/boys, UNITE AND KICK JAPANESE ASS!

"China did what with Japan?"

"They had gay buttsmex, America."

"Ewww. So what'd Russia do to Japan?"

"Hmm..." The Brit thought to himself. What DID Russia do? England saw Japan only a few days and he was fine. Although, he did miss tuffs of hair and had multiple scars. "I guess they fought." Thats when an idea came to America. "HEY BRITAIN! I CAN SEE IT! FLYING MINT BUNNY! ITS OVER THERE!"America pointed to the door."Really? I knew you would someday!" England turned toward the door smiling oh so happily. "SUPRISE GROPING!" Much to Englands dismay America had groped his tiny ass."AMERICA, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU GIT?" America just smiled. That smile you smile when you beat a Chinese commie with a made in Korea baseball bat. "OUT. GET OUT AMERICA!" England was as red as...TAKE IT AWAY, SPAIN!

Spain:(in lots of pain)Help...me...!

Spain, you know your line. SAY IT BEFORE I MAKE THE STATUE FALL ON YOUR ASS!

Spain(in more pain):A tomato...

That's better Spain. That's better. England was as red as a tomato and America could see that. "OK! See you at the next meeting!" America made a smile closely resembling Belgiums, which resembles a cat. "HAHAHA!" He laughed as he heroically skipped out the room."Damn American..."youknowyoulovedit.


	6. Russians & Fijians, what could go wrong?

"Sooo China...Was it...good?" Russia asked. China had gotten drunk with a friend of his and...things happened if you know what I mean. "Was what good aru?" China had asked. He'd wanted to forget what happened with Japan. "You know...what you did with...Japan." Russia said awkwardly, playing with his new scarf Belarus gave him. "Oh. Uhm...it was...ok...I guess aru." They'd be sitting in Russia's house in cold ice for several hours. In case you guys didn't know China still lived with Russia because they enjoyed each others company. "So...China, I think its time you go back to your house, da?" He smiled a fake smile at poor China. "Oh...I guess I should aru. I'll go get my bags aru." China smiled awkwardly and made his way to Russia's guest room. Well, I feel awkward just writing this. Russia twirled with his fingers and started whistling. China came out the guest room with his bags filled with mostly food. "So...bye...Eluosi aru." China walked out of Russia's door and stepped out in the cold air that is the region of Siberia. China took a last look at Russias plastic like Kremlin house and hauled his ass to the airport. He went from feeling good to absolute shit in one day and usually, this doesn't happen to China. Poor him.

**MEANWHILE IN FIJI**

Fiji was a typical country that had typical problems. Germany had came to vacation there and ended up moving in with her(?). Germany was looking at his porn as usual and had it up to loud. Fiji was in the kitchen, trying to make the wurst "the good ol' fashioned German way!" The porn was getting to loud for Fiji and she was getting pissed. As you all know, German porn is fucking disgusting so who wouldn't get pissed? Fiji walked to her room(yea), covered her eye and boldly said, "Germany, if you dont turn down your shitty porn, literally, right now I will cut you like mince meat."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"Nein."

And so, this all turned into a bloody mess, and I'm not trying to be English. Fiji cut the WURST outta Germany. Germany than tried shoving one of his porn tapes down her throat but Fiji managed to kick his ass. Fiji wiped the blood off her knife and then said, " I guess Germany," and then she put glasses on, "Got wursted."

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!

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><p>I tried.<p> 


	7. Into East Germany! Part 2

Spain woke up in a German hospital the next day. The room was all white and the doctors were looking at him with concerned eyes. Spain immediatly sat up, asking where he was and where was his Roma. "You're in a hospital, . You crashed into the Bavaria statue while flying a My Little Pony jetplane. I'm sorry to make you uncomfortable but why so much Rarity? 20% more Rainbow Dash would've better. Then maybe you wouldn't have crashed if it was there was more Rainbow Dash considering she's the best flier in Equestria." One of the female doctors smacked him with a glove and turned her focus on the half-dead Spaniard, "Sir, we don't know where this Roma is. Nor do we know who he is, now please , lay back down so we can do more tests." Spain refused, "I want to know where my Roma~ is!" Seeing that Spain obviously wasn't going to follow their orders, they decided to take down the dying country by force. You're probably wondering, "What do you mean by force? He's a country! He can't be taken down!" Well you're wrong. 11 elephant tranquilizers and chloroform CAN take down the personification of a country anyday! In fact, it can kill the- oh wait a minute...Dammit. Anyway Spain was knocked out(I think) for the rest of the day. Not even gunshots that could possibly deafen him could wake him which worried the doctors. Spain was ok of course, just in a 3(,000) day long coma thats all. Yea...I'm really twisted aren't I?

**Meanwhile with Romano...**

Now now, for those of you who think Romano is cheating on Spain well...your both right and wrong. Romano would always go over Prussias house to relieve stress, but always ending up sleeping with him. Why? Because he always drank too much goddamn wine.

"I just can't take it anymore. Tomato bastard gets on my nerves. He's always so cheery and happy and laid back! It pisses me off." Usually when Romano starts talking Prussia offers him shots of wine since he doesn't want to hear his shit. The only reason he even gets in everyday is because he threatens him with Christmas photos he took last year. Ooooh, so you wanna know what they are? Well, Austria was getting tired of alway brushing his teeth with Orajel(All by Prussia) so he decided to make a bet. IfPrussia could take Hungarys underwear without her noticing, he would HAVE to stop making him eat orajel being the asshole he is accepted and succeded. So in honor of this event he had Romano take a picture.

Next to Hungary.

Holding her tidy-widys(I couldn't resist).

Smart Prussia. Smart. So ever since the Christmas of Bloodbath(What those shitty excuses for countries seem to call Christmas) hes blackmailed poor Prussia with that photo and Romano has gotten everything he's ever wanted. German cars(which are so badass), 5 vacation houses in Germany and Switzerland(You'll learn what he has to do with this later) and more. Prussia never gave a rats ass about Romano so all he said during these conversations was, "Dammit! I'm outta beer." And usually he'd have a full bottle. Then he'd go to the kitchen, get another bottle of beer, and when Romano started talking again he'd do the same cycle. Thats when Romano said those words. Those three words that almost made Prussia jump. He thought he'd never hear him ever say those words, no matter what.

"I hate Spain!"

...What? You thought I would do what? Ooooh you little fangirls you~ Not for all the money in the world. But anyway yea he's never said he hated Spain. I mean, he has, but he never said it with such anger in his voice and real hatred in his eyes. Prussia almost hit him with a beer bottle. Why? Who knows, he was drunk. Romano got up and got his coat.

"Where are _**you**_ going? You barely have any idea where you're even at, moron. Kesesesesesese."(Oh my gosh I'm so fucking corny) Romano either didn't hear him and didn't give a fuck because he left without a word. Prussia just shrugged and drank his beer because he didn't give a damn either.


	8. Can I PLEASE nuke America? Can I, can I?

"You can KISS my ass Japan!"And who said these awful words to the quiet country? None other than China. All Japan wanted was the plans to his new embassy in Russia in Japanese since he couldn't read Chinese very well. "...Excuse me? Arr I did was ask for the papers to be transrated to Japanese..." I will tell you all one thing. For those of you who think Japan takes rejection well, you're wrong. Dead wrong. He goes home and then he chops the trees near his house. He's a messed up dude, seriously. He is. He made cut outs of naked women using one of the treesand prefers dating non-existent online about his strange habits, let get back to the story. "If you keep talking I will SKULLFUCK you with a RAKE, ARU!" Despite his weird habits, Japan can take a hint. "Okay China-san! Don't hurt me..." And the small country rushed away without a second thought. China in his normal mental state would never yell at Japan like that, but, if you read the 6th or 7th chapter you'd know that China wants to kick Japan's ass. So this was now normal behavior for China to be pissy and an ignorant little bitch. In fact, if it weren't for Belarus telling Russia he slept with Japan and that "he's not good enough" then this chapter wouldn't even exist. Thanks Belarus, you gossiping little cunt. Anyway, everyone was at the World Trade Center in Baltimore because America suddenly scheuled(I spelled it wrong didnt I...) an emergency meeting. America was too lazy to take count of the countries that attended so Germany decided that'd he do since he always did.

"Afganistan?"

"Here and ready to nuke America."

"HEY, TOTALLY NOT COOL DUDE!"

"Akortiri?"

"...Yes I'm here.."

"Albania? What about you, Algeria?"

"We're both here!" said the two countries in absolute perfect harmony. Creepy ass motherfuckers. And so this went on for hours until Germany finally stopped at Pakistan.

"Pakistan, are you actually here?"

The Pakistani was slid down in his seat, playing with the DSi Japan gave him with earphones. "Hm? What do you want?" Everyone seemed astounded that Pakistan cared to come to Americas meeting. "What? JUST because he found the old fucker on my land DOESNT mean I'm a terrorist!" America snickered, but then Libya threw several skittles at America's head screaming, "Stop being mean to Pakistan! AND TASTE THE MOTHERF*CKING RAINBOW!" And THAT was when the fight broke out. One of the skittles missed America and hit his poor twin brother...Wait...who? I think it was Canadia. Or was it Kumakichi-san? I dunno. Whatever. Lets just say it hit some air. And then Kumakachi-san threw it back at Libya, missing her and then hitting Russia(Why the fuck is he here?). Russia stood up, smiled, and withdrew many, MANY grenades from his back pocket. "Who dies first, da?" Russia looked around, picking out a victim. Then suddenly, a wild Ukraine appears! Russia uses Reasoning! Not very effective... Enemy Ukraine uses Big Sister Act. Super effective! Russia is now confused. Russia hurts itself in it's confusion. Enemy Ukraine uses Fake Tears. Not very effective...Russia uses Oil Bill! Super Effective! Foe Ukraine has fainted. Victory! Russia has won absolute shit.

"What in the hell aru..."

"Can I still bomb America?"

"No, Afganistan, you cannot bomb America." Said the suprisingly calm India. Then India whispered something into Afghanistans ear that made him put on a very devilish smile. Then, America stood up and fired three bullets into the air. "Ok everyone, the hero is speaking! Now, I called you all here because..."

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><p>LOLOLNOPE. For my selfishness I'll give you all this.<p>

SPECIAL CHAPT.

"Say you guys, anyone notice she forgot an important character in this chapter?" Asked England. He was talking with Germany, France, Russia, China, Austria, and S. Italy. "And-a who would that-a be?" Asked Felis son of a bitch older brother. "Well...According to the script she gave us, she gave Veneziano a major part in this chapter but forgot to include him..." Then suddenly, a black-eyed Veneziano appears! "What the hell happened to you to Italy?"

"Ve~ The author told me to tell you guys if you keep talking about my part, you'll look like me. But worse."

"The hell, aru? She's a nut, aru!"

"Ve~ , you shouldn't talk about her that way. She's watching us..." Then everyone started looking around the room for any sign of me and they were panicing like never before, but they'll never find me. And you're right Italy. I'm always watching.

**ALWAYS.**


	9. Just go back to making your games, Japan

"I called you all here because Spain died this morning. I figured I call a small amount of the worlds countries so there wouldn't that much of an uproar." There was complete silence in the room. Even Belarus looked a little crestfallen. Russia raised his hand, "I saw Spain only a few days ago. He seemed fine and was on his way to Prussia's house." America, for once, looked at Russia without complete hatred in his eyes, and then his eyes drifted towards Prussia. "What are you looking at me for? I didn't even KNOW he was coming to my house, let alone the fact he never got there." Prussia acts like an insensitive bitch, but really, he's grieving. On the inside. On the other hand, N. Italy was crying his poor little eyes out and Germany was trying his best to be as soft and comforting as he could. Romano remained silent, and kept the anger-filled face he had on since he got here. France's beautiful blue eyes turned grey/gray and his puffy blonde hair had gone flat. Russia looked a bit sad too, because before he died, they'd agreed to be comrades, and with Spain dead, there was no way Spain could become one with him. Everyone then turned their attenion to Romano, the person who Spain adored more than anything else.

"What?"

"Well...Aren't you kinda...sad?"

"Of course not! There's nothing to be sad about, bastards. So fuck off."

"What a mouth, Romano-san. Don't you feer the reast bit sad for his unexpected demise?"

"No, so go back to making video games, cunt." Romano was sad, he really was. Mostly because no one was going to clean his room but also because he was closer to Spain then anyone else. Everyone else just thought he was that asshole who hid behind the closest country he could find. Only Spain and his brother ever treated him nicely and didn't try to molest him.

...Well..


	10. The Man who wandered Berlin

Spain wandered through the streets of Berlin. He was bloody, he was sick, and he was HUNGRY. He didn't know how he did it, but he escaped certain death. Everyone...everyone thought he was dead...Romano, Veneziano, even France! Everyone...But that didn't stop Spain. He had to look on the bright side, he was alive! He could see Roma, he could see Ita-chan, he could finally be with his friends again! Spain was determined to get out of Germany. He could go to Prussia, but he was just shoot him and shout, "THE ZOMBIE APOCAYLSE!" The closest country to him right now was Poland. He had no other choice. He would go to Poland, but not on an empty stomach. Spain's plan for food was full-proof. He would go into the resturant walking like a zombie, but not before rolling in some mud, while saying softly,"I desire your heads and your hearts..." in the best German he can, then everyone would run out and POOF free food! If only Germans had believed in zombies. Since I'm too lazy to write an "earlier" scene, I'll just let your imaginatons do the work for me. Spain had gotten food from a friendly German woman who looked like John Cena and was as tall as Abraham Lincoln and had the speech problems of a retarded kid with no teeth. Suprisingly, it was McDonalds. There're McDonalds in Germany. DAMMIT AMERICA YOU'VE SPREAD YOUR DIABETES TO THE WORLD!

To be continued.


	11. Chinese Winter Part 1

China lay in the snow onto of the roof of his cold home. Winter in Beijing had gotten horrible, so he decided he'd go to Shanghai for the winter. Well, it turned out to be even worse. Roads were closed, stores were closed, the snow had gotten so intense it pulled his roof down. he spent 3 days fixing it. And trying to move the snow out his house. We can also thank the blizzard for giving China the flu. I bet you're thinking, "Then why is he ontop of his roof?" Because he's China that's why. Ok, the real reason is because he's bored. He misses his Eluosi alot. For those of you who don't know what Eluosi means, it means Russia. Yup, China misses Russia. Not much of a suprise... So anyway, China had tried making it up to Russia. Poor guy, he called, and he tried to talk to him in person but all Russia did was avoid him. Poor China. All he wanted to do was to gloat in Americas face just once.

**Meanwhile with Russia**

Russia scribbled random words on a peice of paper that he WAS going to send to Indonesia to borrow some tools. But instead, he wrote random words like "Why" and "Horrible" and "Hate". Russia didn't look like his usual innocent self, instead he looked tired. He looked angered, and his eyes were filled with absolute hatred and his blonde hair was a wreck. Russia himself wasn't angry with anybody. He was angry at what happened earlier that day

**Earlier that day, according to the author**

Russia walked excitedly along the sidewalk, _Today's the day! I finally get the center of attenion at this meeting instead of just being the background country! _Russia made a wonderful discovery and wanted to share it with everyone. He walked down the beautiful streets of St. Petersburg to get to the conference building. Ah, the snow covered city looked beautiful. He loved to walk to streets of St. Petersburg in the winter. Even though they celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January, people had up Christmas and New Year decorations. The city was filled with happiness. Even if he hated the cold, he loved his peoples smiles. Finally he arrived at the building. He heistantly stepped in through the automatic doors. He looked around. Not many people were in the lobby. Maybe because he accidently rented out THE WHOLE BUILDING. I bet you can guess how many minutes he was dead after he saw the bill. He trotted(yes, trotted.) towards the elevators and pushed the "^" button and inpaitently waited for the stupid door to open. When it finally opened, to his surpise Taiwan in her casual pink dress was there. "Privet Taiwan! Do you not plan on coming to my little gathering?"

"N-no, not really..."

"Why not, da?"

"Because I...um..I have to go to Hong Kong's place!"

"Ms. Taiwan is dishonest."

Taiwan looked suprised when he said this and was about to jump to her defense until she saw the innocent face and that scary-as-fuck purple aura radiating around him. Taiwan felt both gulity and so scared she could shit her pants. Except she isn't wearing pants. Well you get my point. Taiwan quickly pushed all sorts of random buttons and waved goodbye to Russia as the door closed. Russia, as usual, used his immense strength to pry the doors open with his bare hands. But alas he was too late, Taiwan was up and down and sideways and there was no way he was going to waste his time trying to strangle the truth out of her when he had a meeting to get too. So Russia turned his attention to the next elevator and again pushed the "^" button. He waited for about 2 minutes when the doors opened. Inside was the European country he'd hated for so long. Russia lost his happy look and instead an unhappy, angry, and threatening look replaced it. The European smiled devilishly and invited him into the elevator,

**"C'mon Russia. The elevator music is just fine."**


	12. Chinese Winter Part 2

England stood in the elevator, looking just as smug as ever. He was holding the door open for Russia. Something he called "the gentlemanly thing to do". Reluctantly, Russia stepped inside without a word. (Sexual) Tension filled the air around them. The blonde brit decided some conversation would make the atomsphere more survivable. "So pisshead, what's this new discovery you've made? How you found another way to poison your people, or did you just brew a new batch of vodka?" Ooooh, NO HE DIDN'T. SHIT JUST GOT REAL. This made Russia want to throw him down the elevator shaft. Russia took off his dark brown gloves and cracked his knuckles, as if to "Say something else. I fucking dare you, da." England knew what Russia was implying and continued on insulting him. "Say, remember that time you jumped out of the plane? You really are a drunk, aren't you? And remember how Germany handed your ass to you on a silver platter? I guess you just aren't as-" England stopped in mid sentence because Russia started choking him.

"SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AGAIN, DA!"

"DUVBDKUVBXUDVXFUVFR!"

"I'LL KILL YOU, DA!"

Suddenly the elevator door opened, revealing about 30 to 80 countries standing there. Just watching Russia choke England. Russia stopped squeezing his neck uncontrollably and stepped out of the elevator. England stepped out with him and fixed his tie as if Russia didn't lay but a finger on him. Then the strangest thing happened.

They started talking like people.

"So Russia, I need to go freshen up. I'll see you at your meeting, I assume?"

"Da. I will make sure to not start it without you."

"Well, thank you Russia. Goodbye."

"Da svedanya*."

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><p><em>Da svedanya <em>- Goodbye in Russian.


	13. Chinese Winter Part 3

Russia stepped into the meeting room. All was quiet. 120 countries were there. Everyone except Taiwan had attended. Russia made his way to the front of the room quietly and quickly. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak England walked into the room. England sat down and gave Russia a small thumbs up. Russia smiled and began to speak, "As you all know, ever since the Soviet Union started I've been working on a project we like to call 'Checkmate'. It doesn't stand for anything but it's a nice name, da. For those of you who don't know, 'Checkmate' is a project that researches human immortality. We've reached a conclusion after so many years!" Russia let everyone take it all in. That's when the questions popped up.

"Are there any side effects to the humans we use it on?"

"Da. There are. They might develop speaking problems and possibly will become paralzyed. We haven't seen any other side effects on any other paitents."

"How will the humans be able to obtain it? Is there some sort of pill they have to take?"

"Nyet, da. They will obtain it by eating a certain British food."

"Can dissolved countries that are still alive be able to use it?"

"Da. As long as there are decendants of that countrys' people then yes, they can use it."

Everyone looked quite excited. Except America. Russia continued on explaining until America raised his hand and asked, "How many people died from your project, Russia?" Russia turned to America, looking confused. "Died? This is a project for-" America interupted once more "C'mon Russia, how many people died before this project actually took a turn for the 'better'?" Russia simply stated, "354." Even America looked a bit shocked. "Wow Russia...all that for a stupid project you should've abandoned years ago?" Botswana shook her head in disappointment. Russia looked around the room. Every country, they were all bad-mouthing him. He couldn't believe. The countries who'd encouraged him to go on with the project were turning against him. Russia slowly took out his faucet pipe and threw it straight at America. It hit him square on the head and left QUITE the bruise. America stood up with a grin on his face, "You shouldn't have done that, commie." America rushed up to Russia and and BOY did they have fist fight of a LIFETIME. America had a black eye and a swollen lip, Russia had blood drooling from his mouth and nose. Suprisingly, with an immense amount of strength, America threw Russia at the wall. Russia slid onto the ground and chips of paint were all over his greatcoat. America smirked and made a smart little comment, "Looks like the big strong country isn't as strong as he thinks he is!" Laughing. Everyone was laughing. Russia couldn't believe this. Maybe he was down on his luck, maybe his God was sleeping, maybe...maybe...Maybe Russia just wasn't strong anymore... Embarassed, Russia ran out the room, down the stairs, through the lobby, and into the streets of Saint Petersburg. Without a second thought, he broke the window of a random parked car and drove home without another word.

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><p>My goodness these Chinese Winter chapters are so fucking shitty. I'm so sorry ;_; There rushed and stupid and I'm not proud of myself. ;~; And the 'Checkmate' project was inspired by the story "War Eagle" I forgot who wrote it though but when I do I'll put your name here x3<p> 


	14. Fuck you too, Scotland

Today was Saturday, and Ireland was at the local bar like she does every Saturday. Ireland put her feet on the table and motioned the bar tender to hurry the f*ck up with her drink. Ireland was probably just as violent as Russia. The bar tender glared at her but didn't say a word. Not because it was his country he was about to curse out but out of sheer fear and not wanting to shit his pants he didn't speak. When she went drinking she always invited Scotland but was always to busy to show up. Scotland always seemed to hang out with their bigger brother. Ireland didn't like that but put up with it. Today, instead of inviting Scottie she invited Russia. She'd heard what happened at the last meeting and thought the guy could use a nice drink. Now, Ireland was never this nice so Russia thought as soon as he was off guard the redhead was going to invade his country. This wasn't the case, and since Ireland pratically FORCED him to come it wasn't like he had a choice. Russia walked through the door of the Irish pub and looked around. It looked just like an American bar. Ireland caught sight of the old chap and called him over, "Over here, _striapach_!" Ireland waved over to him. Russia went over and sat down next to her, looking just as disturbed as ever. Ireland picked up a shot glass and bashed it on his pitiful head, "The fuck is wrong with you?" Blood leaked from Ivan's head to his eyes.

"The fact you actually are doing something nice for me, da."

"I can be nice! When I want too..."

"...Right, da."

"Pft! Whatever. WAITER! 3 BOTTLES OF VODKA STAT!" shouted the red-haired country. Russia wiped the blood out his eyes with a napkin and sat paitently for his vodka. About 5 minutes later, the waiter came back with 3 bottles of vodka. Ireland took a bottle and ripped the cap off muttering, "About time, slowass." Russia took a bottle and hit the top of the table, breaking it. After one gulp he immediatly spit it right out, "What is this, da?" He looked on the label and there it said, 'Whip-cream flavored vodka. Brewed in France.'. Well no wonder it tasted like shit. Those surrender-monkies made it. For Frenchies they can't make very good alchohol. Russia pushed the bottle away in absolute disgust(The reaction of any sane person) as another trail of blood trickled down his adorable little head. Ireland could just FEEL the awkward atmosphere and in hopes of breaking the ice she said something very interesting, "I know a way we can get America back." Russia's eyes perked with interest. "What do you mean...?"

"I know what happened at that meeting. How he humilated you. Turned your own friends against you. And I know how we can make 'em pay."

"I'm listening."

"Ok, here's what we're gonna do..."


	15. Rape Among Nations

"Laoise, we can't do that!" Russia pleaded. Ireland suggested they invade America and take over Florida. "Why not?" Ireland snapped at him. "Because, Florida is America's 'vital region'. Among us nations, we would consider that rape. I thought you knew!" It took Ireland 10 minutes to actually figure out what Russia said. "OOOOh. You have a point." Ireland crossed her arms and pouted, "Then what are we going to do?" Russia shrugged. "I don't know." Ireland's eyes perked up. "I know! We'll invade Texas! That's a big state, right?"

"Ireland."

"Yea?"

"You want to steal America's glasses?"

"Eeyup!" Ireland nodded her head virgously. Russia just stared. _This woman is insane._ was all he could think. Ireland could see the disapprovement on his face. "FINE ASSHOLE!" Ireland put on an angry look. Then she stood up and grabbed Ivan's arm, "Ivan Braginski, I know EXACTLY how we can get even."


	16. Hetaween

America was what you would call a "big kid". Yes people, he went trick-or-treating on Halloween. He was dressed up as a cowboy. Typical America. Everyone was just sorta staring at him and under their breathes they were mumbling, "Is that Alfred F. Jones?" and "Isn't he like, 19?" and of course, "..OMFG HE'S TRICK-OR-TREATING ON MY STREEET!" and then the expected fangirl squeal and sudden fainting due to loss of blood. "Trick-or-treat! Oh yea, by the way, I'm the hero so if you could squeeze in some extra candy and maybe some fries that would be nice..." He said in a low voice to a random New Yorker who wasn't even giving out candy. "...What?" Alfred rose his candy-bag(Say nothing, bronies) to his face. "I said gimme the candy, foo!" The man looked at him strangely, then finally realized it was "that man". "Oh...You. The idiot who makes America look like a bunch of morons, correct?" America nodded VIG-OUR-OUS-LY. I think I spelled it right. The man turned around and walked inside of his house and came out with a coffee mug. America tilted hs head, "Is that cup made of candy...?" The man raised his hand and BOOM bashed it on America's head. "No dumbass. But if you like eating glass, thats none of my business." He went back inside and turned off all the lights. Poor America. That guy was a total dick! Well, don't worry because shortly after he was stormed by fangirls and was brutally murdered. Amerca looked inside of the plastic bag he was carrying. Not as much as he expected to gather, but it didn't matter. Following him were about 12-68 fangirl carrying bags filled with candy. These girls did America's every whim. Damn, I wanna be him. Having people do whatever I tell them too because I'm rich and famous. Kinda like Bill Gates. So anyway he started walking in the direction of his big red house. Not wanting to be raped, he told the fangirls to leave their bags on the sidewalk and he would get them.

"But America!"

"Please!"

"We only wanna see where you live!"

"Let us come! We're your loyal fans!"

You have no idea what America was feeling looking at their faces. "Too bad~! I'm not going to be raped by a bunch of fangirls~ Not today!" He dumped all the candy down his shirt, one bag at a time. The fangirls watched in awe as he shoved 68 bags worth of candy down his shirt and he still looked at skinny as a rake. "Bye!" He continued walking down the street with 68 bags of candy down his shirt.


	17. Heeeeeerrrre'ssss Kermit!

America trotted in the direction of his house in his little cowboy outfit. He had that feeling he was being watched, but he dismissed it as nothing. He was the hero after all, so whatever was following him was in DEEP shit. Suddenly he smelt hamburgers. Oh, the glorious aroma of the grease-coated sammiches. He turned around to see a short Taiwanese girl with a bag of McDonalds. America looked at her for a minute before asking, "Are you gonna eat that?" in response the girl handed him the bag. In an instant he took the burger out the bag, threw the bag on the ground, and started munching on the burger furiously. Took him about 2 minutes to finish. Fatass. He started holding his head,"W-wow...That uh..." he started wobbling and mumbling you'd think he was wasted. He fell to the ground after a little while and the girl started dragging him down the street. "Heheheheheheh..."

**A couple hours later, 2:30 in the morning.**

Alfred woke up feeling light-headed and in a poorly lit room. "Damn... That was an AWESOME BURGER!" Watching him intently was the Taiwanese girl from earlier. "Hey...aren't you the girl who poisoned me?"

"I didn't poison you though."

"Yea you did! I totally felt drunk! Then I started wobbling and then I fell asleep!" America started rubbing his head. The Taiwanese just smiled. Creepy, huh? "Would you like some churros?"

"What?"

"Some churros. They're nice and chewy and moist."

"...Who are you?"

"I'm a fangirl. You can call me Kermit or Polar Red. I'm more known as Polar Red though. I write fanfiction about you and Iggy having fun times and you dying by the hands of an Italian."

"What the-"

"Would you like a burger?" She dangled a McDonalds bag in front of his face. America looked almost hypnotized. "Burger...burger...Gimme the burger.." Kermit, or as we will address her in this fic, Polar Red, threw the bag in the corner. "Go get it, boy! Go get it! Go get the shitty food!" America, like a dog, started chasing after the bag on all fours. You can't be serious... He brought it back to Polar Red with an adorable little face."Good boy! You can have you treat now! And if you're extra good, you can have a McFlurry!" America's eyes lit up. He'd never been this happy in his life. He started waging his ass like a dog would his tail...Ugh, I hate myself. Polar Red had this, "I'm going to rape you when you sleep" sorta look. She wasn't going to do it, but she looked like she would.


	18. Here Comes the Belarussian

Belarus looked at her vast collection of knives. So many, so, so, so many. Belarus directed her attenion to her closet. Opening it up, there was shrines, yes,_ shrines_ to her big brother Russia. This chick is seriously fucked up. So anyway, she started polishing off her Russia dolls(I'm so serious, you guys) carefully and slowly until her phone rang. With extreme caution, she set the doll down and went over to her dresser. She automatically asnwered the phone with, "Brother, oh big brother! Are you finally going to say yes to me? I knew you couldn't resist, brother!"

"Little sister? It's me, Ukraine..."

"Oh...The woman who took Russia away from me."

"I'm sorry for being such a bewitching older sister! Anyway, Russia wanted to tell you that he needs your help right away."

"Russia? Needs me? Right away? Really?"

"Yes~! Maybe today is your big break, little sister! Today might be the day!"

"HAHAHAHA! IN YOUR FACE! I WON, BEYATCH!" Belarus hung up her phone in victory. On the other hand, Ukraine sighed and smiled, thinking her sister was finally happy despite she just got called a bitch. Belarus put on her wedding dress she'd been saving for years, got the pile of dead flowers by the picture she had of Ukraine, and ran out the door without a second thought in the world. And somewhere in Russia, a regretful Russian crossess his fingers and hopes to God his Belarussian sister didn't take it the wrong way.


	19. My face isn't that stupid, Romano

t's been a while since we heard about our Spanish amigo, no? Well, let's see how he's doing now~!

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><p>It's been a bit since we heard about Spain, right? Yea, it has. Anyway, Spain managed to drag his ass to a...a...a...OH! A news station. That's what I meant. Immediatly they reconizged him to be the country of Spain. They made a newscast about him so he would be noticed and taken into custody and be treated like the royal, smexy man he is. Germany and Prussia noticed this particular report, picked up Spain, and called an emgerency meeting. And by emergency I mean get your ass down here now or I'll kill your family.<p>

Germany sat the center chair like a leader, taking America's place. Since the young man could not attend the meeting, Germany was relieved of not having to deal with his glares and other bullshit. Germany and Prussia exchanged slightly mischevious glances at both of eachother and Romano. Bastards.

Germany stood up from his chair and proceeded to speak,"I bet you're wondering why I called you all here today. We have some great news that will benefit everyone, especially the Italian twins." He looked over at Feliciano and Lovino, with a slight but noticable smile. He turned his gaze over to Prussia, who was practically on the edge of his seat. "Bruder? Would you like to have the honors?" Prussia made a wide grin. He nodded quickly in response to his younger brothers question. He grabbed the megaphone from under the table, climbed up onto the table, and as loud as his lungs and voice would let him, he screamed from the high heavens,

"**SPAIN IS ALIVE, YOU HOPELESS BASTARDS!**"

Yea, 'cause we really needed bleeding ears THAT bad, Prussia. Despite the fact everyone, I mean everyone, covered their ears, they'd heard what Prussia said none-the-less. Everyone looked happy, anxious, and some looked at Prussia in disbelief. "Impossible! No one, not even a nation, could survive that sort of impact!" Arthur exclaimed. Prussia was about to curse England out until Germany covered his mouth his gloved hand.

"You're right England. But have you noticed that Spain, the country, has not yet fallen? Sure, they're not doing their best but thats because Spain is in...erm..._bad_ condition."

England thought for a moment. "I suppose you're right...Ok then, but where _is_ Spain exactly? I want to see him with my own eyes!" That started an uproar between the nations. They screaming about how they agreed with Arthur and wanted to see Spain for themselves. Germany looked at Prussia, who scurried out the room unnoticed. Germany let everyone speak their mind, because if he responded, that'd spark nothing but more screaming.

Prussia came in minutes later with a brown-haired, fairly skinned man with excited green eyes. He had a happy little look on his face, almost as if he was excited and glad to see everyone acting the way they were. His hair was messy and his face was filled with scars, but that didn't seem to bother him as his cheery demeanor remained the same. He wore a off-pink shirt with a red tie and plain-ish brown pants. Typical look. No-one seemed to notice him until Indonesia spoke up, "Who is that human and what is he doing here?" Everyone looked to the front of the room, where Prussia, Germany, and the other man stood, waiting for everyone to shut the fuck up.

This is where the other man came in.

He opened his mouth to speak, only to be shushed by Chad, one of the countries sitting at the top of the table along with Germany and Prussia. The country, so you all know. Yes, there _IS_ a country called Chad. Google it. Spain closed his mouth as everyone continued to disagree with each other about this and that. Germany decided this was enough.

"**EVERYONE SHUT UP! LET THE MAN SPEAK, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! YOU'RE ALL DUMMKOPFS!**"

To be expected, everyone shut their mouthes and let the dude with the messy hair speak. "Hola, mi amigos! I know I look very different now what with the scars and messy hair and other things you may notice about me. Oh! And, Indonesia, sorry, but...I'm not human. I'm Spain! No-one here remembers me, huh?" Indonesia looked at him with disbelief, "You can't be Spain! I mean, Spain kind of a weakling and he would never survive such a crash..." Right then and there you could see Spain's eye twitch in irritation for just a moment. The only one who caught that was Romano. "Si, but I am Spain, and nothing is going to change it."

Phillipines rolled his eyes, "Pft. Just another human who wants the rights and goodies that come with being a nation." Spain looked almost as if he was going to strangle the brat at any time. Germany saw this, and quickly shot the Asian country a look so scary barely Ireland could compare. Speaking of Ireland, where is she? We'll find out soon enough, I hope.

Prussia and Germany then exchanged looks, and saw there was no hope of proving that Spain was actually Spain. Romano raised his hand to speak.

Weird.

Germany pointed at the elder Italian twin who cleared his throat and began to talk, "I believe him. I mean, who _else_ has that kind of stupid face? Certainly not some human. Look at him! Take away the scars and he's the same dumbass bastard from before." Everyone started looking at each other, whispering in agreement. He _did_ seem like a nation. And he looked just like Spain if you can imagine him without the facial scars. Switzerland spoke up after the whispers died down, "Romano, for once, has a point. If you take away the scars, he's a perfect match. This is Spain." Since no-one was stupid enough to agrue against the Great and Powerful Switzerland, they all nodded in agreement. They realized this was the same former Spanish pirate who got his ass handed to him on a silver platter by a perverted British man. Feliciano started crying in joy, like he was always does.

Romano remained stoic.

Some of the nations looked relieved that Spain was alright.

Some looked disappointed that they couldn't claim some new land.

France's eyes lit up when he realized he could squeeze his favorite rear-end once again.

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><p>This is <em>the <em>longest chapter I've ever wrote and it took me an hour. D,: I'm not proud of this one, but I'll bear through the pain. Somehow.


	20. Soft As A Bunny

America sat alone in Polar Red's comfy little underground hideout where she hid all of her yaoi. Earlier, America got curious when he saw his name on one of the books. Picking it up, he saw quite a suggestive cover with the words, "USUK". He didn't understand why he sucked so he flipped the book open to a random page only to be greeted with an image of him and England having...ahem, "Fun times," if you know what I mean. Since then America dared not to touch any of those books. Especially the ones with "Spamano" on them, because, believe me, you don't wanna go there.

"Hi Alfred! So, hows it goin'? You have fun reading my books? Is everything alright?"

America looked up at her and responded with, "Alright? ALRIGHT? You've locked me here for 2 days with no food and water! I AM NOT ALRIGHT! I LOOK JUST AS PALE AS EDWARD CULLEN! I HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER IN DAYS! And that's not even counting the days you've kept me in this PRISON!" Polar Red simply laughed. Then she paused. He does look a little pale...And he stinks... She turned around and shut the door. She came back minutes later with a green hose with a silver tip. America looked at her like she was crazy, "You wouldn't dare..." Next thing the aggroant nation knew, he was being hosed down by a crazy Taiwanese fangirl. "YOU ASSHOLE! SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?" She handed the soaking-wet personification of a huge landmass a towel and a bottle of lotion. He dried himself off and looked at the logo on the bottle. "For skin is as soft and sensitive as a babys' bottom...Are you serious." Red turned the hose on again, soaking the poorly dried country. "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." 

"What are you talk-" And again, the nation was hosed down by Polar Red. "It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again." America fearfully opened the bottle of lotion and literally poured it all over his head. Red smiled and turned around, walking out the door with the hose. 


	21. American What?

Ireland made her way through the alleys of New York. She was looking for a business partner of hers. She spotted ay a particular alley near a black and red brick house. She waited there for a while. 5 minutes turned into 10, 10 turned into 15 and so on. Ireland was about to leave until a familar little Taiwanese girl popped her head out of the shadows the pervaded the alleyway. "Money please." she said a little impaitently. Ireland reached into her pocket and handed her at least $300 minimum. "Is America still alive?"

"Eeyup. Bad conditions but alive."

"Ok. You can let him go now. Or not. Whatever suits your fancy, creepy girl."

"I think I'll let him go. I love little Alfie but he's being a bitch about the whole not feeding him thing."

"...You're seriously fucked up." and with that Ireland left the alleyway. The girl followed her, "Soooooo, why did I need to kidnap Alfie?" Ireland looked at her with burning green eyes. "Because. STFU and GTFO, Polar Red." Well, well, well, if it isn't her...Well, we all KNEW it was her but ya know. Polar Red shrugged and walked off in the direction of her house. Ireland whipped out her phone when saw the small child was gone. Going through her pictures, she found a large pink house painted in green, "IRELAND WAS HERE." And in smaller letters were, "DON'T SAY SHIT TO RUSSIA ASSHOLE, OR I'LL FIND YOU. I DON'T PARTICULALLY CARE FOR RUSSIA AT ALL I JUST NEED AN EXCUSE TO KICK YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOU SUFFER. ENJOY YOUR PRESENT, AMERICAN SON OF A BITCH." Ireland smiled devilishly. Oh how she loved making people suffer. Especially people romantically involved with her big brother.


End file.
